How to Embrace Your Inner Beer Geek - part 1

Yes, I'm a beer geek.  (Seriously, you can't be surprised.  Hello, The BeerLady?)  Not an uber-geek, although I may achieve that status some day, but a geek nonetheless.  For those of you that are not enlightened yet, being a geek is a good thing.  And for the envious, take heart!  Geekdom is also within your grasp.

It might seem elementary.  Why would anyone need to learn to love beer?  You open it, you drink it, either you like it or your don't.  Simple, right?  I could have titled it "How to Learn to Truly Experience and Savor Beer," but it's not as catchy.  So we're going to embrace our inner geek and love beer instead.  Either way, it's not difficult.  Don't let the beer snobs intimidate you.  (And yes, there is a difference between a geek and a snob.  You'll learn these things if you keep reading my blog.  Reading my blog will also make you abnormally attractive to the opposite sex.  Or the same sex, if you prefer.  Warning: some of the sentences in this ridiculously long aside may be a tiny bit of an exaggeration.)

Now, for the first step.  Very simple, very easy.  Head to your favorite local retailer to buy beer, reach for your favorite go-to beer, and STOP.  (It's probably fizzy yellow mass-market beer - or FYMMB - isn't it?  If not, you've already begun the journey to geekdom.)  Take a look around the cooler, and buy something new.  Something you've never tried before.  Something that doesn't say Anheuser-Busch, Coors, or Miller.  (Note - the last may be harder than you think.  A lot of brands don't say they're from one of these three, but they are.  A topic for another day, when you're geekier.)

If you're a little nervous about the idea, look for something similar.  Maybe a different brand of the same style, or a different style in the same brand.  If you haven't ventured outside of FYMMB yet, a pale ale or a pilsner might be a good place to start.  You don't have to jump straight from FYMMB to a porter or imperial stout!

Here's a hint:  See if your favorite local retailer sells 'mixed sixes.'  You can mix and match beers, and choose six different beers for your six-pack.  You'll pay a little extra for the convenience, but you can get a larger variety, and you don't have to worry about being stuck with five more of the same beer if you don't like it.  Bonus?  People will think you're a cool beer geek as you poke around picking out your beer.  They don't have to know that you're choosing based on cool names and the best label pictures.  (Don't laugh.  The first time I tried Rogue Dead Guy Ale it was purely because it's such a great name, how could I not?)

Whatever happened to...Great White

The 1980s - not an era remembered for great classic rock 'n roll music. The airwaves seemed to have been taken over by New Wave and synthesized pop tunes. Rock was dominated by glittery hair bands that seemed to be mostly pretty boys with Spandex and Aqua-Net, with a side order of eyeliner and lip gloss. Read more....

Yes, I know that Great White has little to do with either beer or cocktails. Well, other than the fact that during the 1980s a lot of us were consuming mass quantities of one or the other while listening to the first. But, Faithful Reader, I think you'll adjust. Or I hope you will.

Why aren't there laws against stupidity?

Normally, I'm all about the beer or the cocktails. At the blog, at least - I don't want you to think that there's nothing else going on around here. If nothing else, there is not enough aspirin in the world to cure the hangover if I did nothing but drink 24/7, even with the noble purpose of reviewing the stuff and giving you great recipes.

But every now and then, even The BeerLady runs into something that makes her think, "Whah???? And why am I referring to myself in the third person?" And this was one of them.

Actually, I'd run into this one before, but I'm still amazed. You may have heard of the Burning Man Festival. It's a funky, multi-day art festival held every year in the desert, and it ends every year with a massive bonfire. Very cool. Anyway, back in 2005, a certain young man who will remain nameless (but whose initials are Anthony Beninati) had attended the festival, taking along a picture of a dead friend to put in the bonfire. (Note: I'm really not sure what the meaning of burning your friend's picture would be, but I'm pretty sure that I would not be flattered to know that my friends had chosen to dispose of my pictures after I'm gone.)

Tony is apparently an over-achiever in the picture-burning-in-a-bonfire category, and chose to walk several feet into the fire before he dropped his buddy's picture. That's dedication. Then, good ol' Tony chose to walk further before he tripped and dropped himself into the fire. Folks, that's stupidity.

And course, being a good, sensible red-blooded American, Tony did exactly what you would expect when confronted with evidence of his own incredible stupidity (or perhaps evidence that Tony was indulging in the aforementioned 24/7 drinking). He sued the festival. And when a (very sensible) judge tossed out the lawsuit, Tony appealed.

Now, Tony has lost yet again, proving that apparently there is hope for truth, justice, and the American Way. But really, didn't anyone ever break it down for the guy? Fire hot. Fire burn. Burn hurt. Fire bad! Geez, most of us had that bit of wisdom beat into us at an early age, when our moms caught us setting scrap paper on fire in the ashtray...

OK, rant over, soapbox being placed neatly to the side for future use. You may now return to your regularly scheduled beer.

Hello Kitty Beer?

You know, there are some things that should not even be contemplated, and I'd have to say that Hello Kitty Beer should be very, very close to the top of the list.

Now, I know that there are people that adore Hello Kitty. I'm not a hater, myself. I even have a pair of Hello Kitty socks. (I got rid of them after a date told me he thinks Hello Kitty is extremely sexy. I got rid of him, too. That was just too creepy.) But I was horrified when this picture appeared in my inbox, sent by a friend who found it terribly amusing.

Frankly, I'm not sure which is worse. Beck's, or the idea of a Hello Kitty version.

Luckily, it does appear that the Hello Kitty Beer is a PhotoShopped figment of someone's imagination. Thank goodness. Although since it appears on the Hello Kitty Hell blog (a very entertaining blog, I must say), the idea seems to have spread like wildfire. Quite a few sites are reporting it as a real item, which kind of scares me. What if someone decides to take a very bad joke and turn it into a real beer?

I mean, after all, Hello Kitty is on almost any other thing you can think of. There really is a Hello Kitty wine. There's a Hello Kitty vibrator, and a Hello Kitty condom keeper. And, heaven help us, Hello Kitty men's underwear. Is it only a matter of time before someone, somewhere, decides that this would be a big hit....

Beer Connoisseur is coming!

I recently stumbled across a new website - so new that it's really not even a website yet, more like a preview of the coming attractions.

Beer Connoisseur Online apparently is going to be the online arm of a new magazine, The Beer Connoisseur (TM) Magazine. The teaser on their site states:

After years of swirling, sniffing, and spitting at wine tastings, the American public is discovering another way to enliven and tantalize the taste buds.

They also say they're dedicated to "being the expert authority on beer for both the novice and the connoisseur."

It sounds like they're setting quite a challenge for themselves - I'm looking forward to seeing it!

Beer Wars Movie Event

If you missed the Beer Wars Live event that marked the debut of the movie, shame on you! If you titled yourself as a beer geek, you must now renounce the title. Well, OK, maybe that's a little harsh. You can keep your title, you just have to admit that the BeerLady is way cooler than you are.

But between Anat Baron's movie and the live panel discussion afterwards, it was well worth the price of admission. In some ways, the movie was preaching to the choir. The audience was made up largely of beer geeks, and most of these fine folks have already learned that the big brewers have an unfair advantage in the market, and that they use that advantage to the fullest.

Part of the magic of Beer Wars, though, was the way Baron put a human face on the issues. Sure, in some places, the movie went for the emotional manipulation - Rhonda Kallman (New Century Brewing) comforting her crying child begging her to stay at home certainly qualifies. At the same time, the scene worked - even the largely male audience in the theater had an "Awww, man" reaction.

I was as anxious to see the live panel discussion as I was the movie itself, and I wouldn't say I was disappointed. It would have been great if it could have been longer, sure. And it might have benefited from a different moderator - Ben Stein seemed more interested in hearing himself speak than he did in having the participants talk. He also seemed determined to make Sam Calagione (Dogfish Head) and Greg Koch (Stone) admit that they secretly want to be Anheuser-Busch when they grow up. (Personally, I don't think he understands craft beer or brewers.)

But I loved Calagione's assessment of the difference between craft brewers and the Big Guys.

"The big companies are businesses first and brewers second."

Budweiser Loses A Round....

There's a temptation to think that giant companies always get their way, but not true. Case in point? Earlier this week, Anheuser-Busch lost a battle against Czechoslovakian brewer Budejovicky Budvar over the name "Budweiser."

A/B had applied with the EU trademark office for a trademark for the word Budweiser, which would have given them the exclusive right to use the brand name. Budejovicky Budvar, which is based in the Czech city of Ceske Budejovice (or "Budweis" in German, the name it has historically gone by), has been bottling beer under the brand name Budweiser since the 1870's. (While A/B likes to point out that they were established in 1860, both companies actually began using the brand name Budweiser in 1876.)

The legal battle had gone to the European Court of First Instance for a ruling. And the court decided that Budvar legitimately holds the European rights to the name. The court determined that Budvar had proven its case by showing that they had been using the name for at least five years before A/B had applied for a European trademark.

This legal fight has been going on for years. A/B has managed to block Budvar from using the brand name Budweiser in Finland, Spain, Denmark, Argentina, Australia and New Zealand. The decision went the other way in the UK, and now the EU.

Score one for the "little guys." (OK, Budvar isn't really little, but you get the idea!)